Stupid things people say to pregnant women

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Long time no see! Finally, the baby’s asleep so I can get back to some blogging! I shan’t share a recipe as my creative ambitions have been shelved for the time being – though it seems I can make a mean baby porridge flavoured with pureed mango.

I think it’s time I share with you all of the idiotic comments I’d been subjected to throughout my recent pregnancy:

1. Do you know what you’re having?
Yes. A baby.

2. Are you going to read to your baby?
Uh, yes
Wow, that’s going to be the smartest baby ever!
….if that’s all it takes I shouldn’t have paid to put his name down for the good schools! Damn!

3. If you find out the gender, you HAVE to tell me
No. No I don’t.

4. Did you have a big Christmas?
Clearly you’re not familiar with the shape of pregnant bellies….

5. Your husband’s really tall and you’re tiny, you must be having a C-section!
Today’s interesting fact: a woman’s baby’s size is mostly determined by her pelvis. P.S. I did have him naturally, all 8lb 2oz of healthy baby boy.

6. Hey, fat guts
Mine’s temporary, what’s your excuse?

7. Humph, teenage mother
I may be short but actually, I’m 28. Can you even count that high?

8. Are you pregnant?
Quite. (pretty much have a soccer ball sized bump I didn’t have the previous three years you’ve known me)

9. Wow, you look well!
That’s the look I’m going for. Oh, am I supposed to look disheveled and vomit on your shoes at this point?

10. You’re all out in front!
Yes, that’s pretty much where the baby gets carried when you’re pregnant

11. Mind if I touch?
Yes, I do, but your hand is already on my stomach. You could at least offer to buy me dinner first

12. You shouldn’t be having that milkshake, fatty.
Oh, because it’s not laced with whisky? Damn, I knew I was doing something wrong.

13. Do you know the sex?
No
Yes, you do!
…..

14. So, what are you going to do with the dog?
The usual…..what, do you think I should eat him?

15. You can’t stop work until the 19th! I need you here!
Actually, I can stop. It’s called quitting. I’m not your slave

16. You should name him Mark, after me!
Actually, that’s the last name I’d ever choose for that very reason

17. Was this planned?
No, do you have any idea how this could have happened to me???

18. You’re pregnant? What did you do that for?
For kicks.

19. You’re tired? Geez, it’s the second trimester, you should have plenty of energy!
Actually, I’m anaemic which would make anybody tired and I’m working full time. You’re neither of these so what’s your excuse?

Anybody out there had similar experiences? Or do you have better comebacks than I was able to come up with at the time? Please share; I love a good giggle! Glad to be back blogging!

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